I Have Decided To Live Light, I Cannot Bear Heavy Loads

Not bearing external loads does not mean being selfish. We can offer our help without being so involved that we take on the burdens of others like our own.

Many of us often take on many external burdens and issues that are not ours. We do it with complete freedom, convinced that when we love and appreciate someone, we must help them, support them and share their difficulties.

While it is obvious that it is not always easy to maintain an emotional distance from the personal difficulties of others, sometimes it is necessary to force yourself, for our psychological well-being and for our health.

It is obvious that we will always do what we can for our family and friends, but when we cross the line and stop taking care of our own health, we are no longer useful to anyone, starting with ourselves.

We invite you to think about this.

External burdens and other people’s problems: these are their responsibilities

Taking on the problems and burdens of others as one’s own problems is a common thing among women and among parents.

They are personalities who seek, above all, to alleviate the personal suffering of their children or other important people, believing that the problems will be solved. But, this rule does not always work. Let’s see this in more detail later in this article.

The role of the “savior”, the one who bears the burdens of others

Sometimes the person who decides to offer to help and takes the burdens of others on their shoulders establishes a very complicated relationship of dependence with the other.

• We have to say “yes” because we don’t want to hurt, which forces us to give in to everything until the other person disregards our feelings and limitations, and asks everything of us and whatever.
• Acting like saviors doesn’t always solve things. Often times we only make the situation worse, because “then the problem is shared” and the burdens are even more harmful.

Listen to other people’s problems, but don’t make them your own: don’t carry their loads

Establishing an emotional distance with others is something essential that we must learn to practice. Obviously, it all depends on how close we are to the person who is having the problem, and that we will not behave in the same way with a child as with a co-worker.

However, it is important to consider the following aspects :

• Taking on others’ difficulties as your own is not the solution. We can act more constructively by offering support, emotional consolation, and motivation.
• A problem must be solved with personal strategies and with courage and maturity, but never by empowering others.

An example

 You have a brother who can’t find a job. You help him and you even find him a job. Still, he blames you because this job is not for him, he wants something better.

How should you act? Instead of being the “savior”, it is best to listen, to support him in everything, while letting him develop personal strategies that he considers adequate to meet his needs.

Worrying about the people we love is normal and understandable, but sometimes it is better not to take ownership of other people’s problems because it is others who have to find the best solution according to their own needs.

Act like an expert for yourself to offer the best to others

It is not because we are going to give them everything that loved ones will love or respect us more. Sometimes it’s even the other way around

We live in a society in which we tend to believe that the one who gives the most of his person is naive, and that the one who offers will never be able to refuse anything. This is not adequate.

This is why it is necessary to be an expert of yourself and to act with balance, self-protection and good self-esteem to take care of your integrity and thus give the best of yourself. to others.

Refuse to carry the burdens of others

Refusing to carry the weights of others is not bad. We invite you to think about this.

• To refuse help at the right time is not to abandon the other. Sometimes this allows the other to develop their own strategies that will be really useful to them: we then avoid addiction.
• Denying something to someone who does not show you respect and who thinks that your only function is to help them will allow you to understand that you too have needs and limits, which must be respected.

Don’t feel bad if you said “NO”. You have acted assertively and emotionally mature, because then you take care of your self-esteem and decide when you can say “YES”.

In short, each of us is free to accept or not the charges of others. Do it if you really want to do it, not because you feel pressured.

Remember that your self-esteem and emotional well-being are indicators that mark your limits. It is good to take this into account when taking care of your personal relationships.